we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
