there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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