if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize