Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
