I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
