In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
