I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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