I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
