I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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