Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
