Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
