I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
