She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
