Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
