i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
