Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
