I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
