I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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