next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
