wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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