You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
