If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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