Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
