I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
