Pappa wants mamma naked
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
