I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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