Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
