Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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