She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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