Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
