I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Houston, we have a squirter
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
