Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
