Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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