Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
