Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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