u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
