Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
