So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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