Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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