He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
