Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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