is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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