i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
