can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
