turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
