did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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