i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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