All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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