Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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