I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
