I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
