You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
