fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize