i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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