"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
