Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
one might say we're banned from that church
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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