on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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