Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize