so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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