I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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