There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
