I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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