oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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