I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
