I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
