My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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