You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
