U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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