I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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