So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
