There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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