whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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