Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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