On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
