My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
