don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
