He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
