I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
