Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
