Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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