i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize