So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
