The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
