I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
