bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
