I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
