im six kinds of drunk right now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
