i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
as a side note pls kill me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
