I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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