the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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