"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
