Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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