Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
