why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm getting married
To pizza
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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