I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
