I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
