In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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