It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
