he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
