hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
