In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
