Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
