I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
