For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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